I took a test:

Results of your Self-Esteem Test

Self-Esteem Index
Your score = 80 Your score

What does your score mean?

According to this test, you have high self-esteem. You recognize your inner value and it shows in your personal life, relationships and career/school success. You exude confidence, which is very attractive, and believe enough in yourself to pursue things whole-heartedly. Such a healthy self-esteem allows you to “be yourself”, handle stress effectively and maintain an overall sense of well-being. You should value and nurture this quality; it will get you far in life. Way to go!

I don’t know.  I wonder what someone with a score of 100 would look like.

Last night at my meeting, the topic was something like “living with yourself in sobriety.”  I said that living with myself in sobriety is often hard.  I’ve been schooled for many years in the ideal ways to be, and I fall short most of the time, I think.  Literally most of the time.

Maybe part of that is an oldtimer dilemma.  In the beginning, I changed so drastically it was like a baby going from newborn to toddler.  In a short time I changed so much, and it has slowed way way down.  I also understand more about the way I should be than I understood at that time.  I know so many more of the right answers so if I think about it, I can quickly realize I’m not living up to what I know I should be.

Still, with all that I score an 80.  For the questions, most people around me don’t seem to be better off than I am.  I don’t really like myself and accept myself the way I am.  I need to keep improving.  Being myself allows the people who only truly like the genuine me to like me – a lesson I am grateful to have learned.  Thank goodness there are a few of them out there.  I am a little bit afraid of rejection, and in some ways I am inferior.  Physically, for example, and I’m fine with that.  Having bright children and working with people with intellectual disabilities has taught me that some are quicker than others.  It’s not good or bad (though intelligence is a wonderful gift), it just is.  People would notice if I disappeared.  I’ve asked anyone who would care to please look for me.  I am not worthless, futile or insignificant.  Though ignoring problems might not make them go away, it is my preferred method of dealing with them.  And no, I will never be as capable as I should be due to character defects like laziness and fear.

So according to Discovery Health, this all results in high self-esteem.  OK then, just as long as it’s not too high.


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