March 18, 2010 (this day)

As I write, my daughter is driving or has just arrived in a town 6-7 hours from here by car.  She’s looking into graduate schools.  That is the closest one to me, the others are that distance by plane, not car.

She is 24.  When I was that age, I had not driven such a distance by myself, but I had moved thousands of miles from my mother and had to visit by plane.  I also had two years of sobriety, and a one-year-old child, Erika herself.

One way or another, one distance or another, she’s moving far away from me for at least a few years, if not forever.  My son will quickly do the same.  He’s graduating in May and has probably decided not to continue straight through his master’s.  I know he does not want to stay in the area where I live.  They also both promise, at their tender ages, that they have no plans of ever reproducing.

Today at work I visited a school where a young lady who will be coming to my program is mainstreamed.  She just a little younger than my son.  I think she may be the first client I am gaining who is actually younger than my son.

It’s amazing to me to think that at the same time I was pregnant with, giving birth to, nursing, potty training, taking to preschool and everything else with Erika, this other mother was doing the same with her daughter, Willow.  A twist of fate gives one mother a child who has lifelong, severe disabilities, and another mother a child who can surpass her mother in so many ways, and be independent, and follow a dream all by herself.  I am so grateful for the example that these parents give me every day.  I hope I can serve their children well.

The other thing that colors my day is that I’m either still sick, or sick again.  I never get sick and now it’s been like this for weeks, and I’m tired of it.  I’m trying to cheer myself by thinking perhaps I’m getting it all out of the way so I can be well for that wonderful, very long distance vacation I’ll be taking in May.  Spring is literally here (although even with temps in the 60s, the snow persists, such was its depth and coldness).  I’m sick but walking the dog again, and sitting outside with her again while she barks at the neighbors.  They don’t like it much but she and I feel better, and hopeful.

And the picture is from my bulletin board at work.  I went on a hunt for recovery words and symbols in my environment, and they abound.  Let go and let God, indeed.

One thought on “March 18, 2010 (this day)

  1. Sounds like your kids are doing great with school and that you’re doing well with your clients. Sorry about feeling bad. You’ll be feeling better for your trip, though. Have a good one!

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