November 15, 2009 (this day)

I hardly slept last night because of a pain in my neck.  Two weeks ago, I did something to my neck, and it’s been mildly achy to very ouchy off and on since then.  Mostly it would hurt when I turned my head in the car to see my blind spot.  I know there’s a metaphor there somewhere.  But the night before last I had a hard time laying down.  The bad pain has actually moved to the other side now.  Last night it was impossible, once I’d laid down, for me to move at all without bad pain.  So that made sleeping difficult.

I don’t like doctors and I don’t like massage and I really don’t like pills.  I’m sitting here with a heating pad wrapped around my neck and I’m wondering if I try not to move it today, if that will help it feel better.  I’ve also taken three Ibuprofen and this is just no fun at all.

What was fun was my meeting last night.  Some friends brought their dogs over and that’s stressful, but my happiness that my big girl has company, even if she’d rather not, outweighs the stress of barking dogs.  Our yard is fenced and our meeting is across the street so they left their dogs here for the meeting.

At the meeting, the woman I asked to tell her story and lead the discussion revealed that her sobriety year is 1984, like mine.  There was one other person there from the class of ’84 which I thought was amazing.  Others were celebrating anniversaries – 17 years, two years, and 8 months.  And a woman was there for her very first meeting.  All that put together was so cool.  I can’t help but wonder if the newcomer will be one of the lucky ones, even as I know the odds are against it.

I also have a bit of jealousy for some of the people who got sober around here and are still here.  I did not know the other 1984s when I was getting sober.  They were here and I was 400 miles away.  There are very sadly few people I know from when I was getting sober.  I can think of four who I could call and they would know who I am.  One I’m still in touch with because her daughter moved to my exact present location shortly after I moved.  One I never lost touch with but I’ve only seen her once since I moved, because she also moved away from where we lived, but in a different direction.  One woman and I had baby girls one years and one day apart, and because of the kindergarten cut off date where I lived when Erika started school, when we moved back home, she was in the same class and became friends with this woman’s daughter.  So we’ve been in touch and our daughters are still “Facebook” friends.

So anyway I do feel the jealousy of the longer history some of these people have with each other.  But it’s just a twinge and I stamp it down fast.  I’m very abundantly blessed in this time and in this place and even my pain in the neck is temporary.  Today is going to be another great weather day and I’ll take the darn computer outside to keep the dogs company in the awesome fall day.

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