Of Course We Finally Did Experiment (Step Eleven continued)

Of course we finally did experiment, and when unexpected results followed, we felt different; in fact we knew different; and so we were sold on meditation and prayer.  And that, we have found, can happen to anybody who tries.  It has been well said that “almost the only scoffers at prayer are those who never tried it enough.”

I like the statement that of course we finally did experiment.  That holds true for me for all of the program of AA.  As I bashed my head against the active alcoholic wall, I finally experimented with prayer and meetings and steps and the rest of it.

I remember trying prayer years ago, when I was trying to get sober, only in desperation.  Two years ago (or so), I started collecting some new prayers and trying to memorize them.  I have given up trying to memorize but I do rotate them in the sidebar here so that I write them again and again.  I have a 5 subject notebook I use at work, and one of the subjects is these prayers that I write there at different times during the day, and especially when things are tough.

A friend asked a group of us what is the purpose of prayer?  I do not use it as a means of influencing God but rather as a way to put new and better thoughts in my own head.

I’ve been having a rough time of it (it being unmentionable) for the last little while.  Tonight someone admonished me for my actions in the program and in my marriage.  This person is a chronic relapser of the kind I used to be.  This person has had a failed marriage of the kind I was in that failed.  This person is unemployed, but did not yet offer me career advice.  Still the thought just won’t go away that says something like, “Please excuse me and understand if I do not take program or marriage advice from you.”

I didn’t say that, and I know I won’t ever say that, but the interaction was disturbing and I’m pretty sure I’ll never forget it nor will I entirely cease to be disturbed by it.  It’s not often that someone besides my mother cuts me like that.  Actually it’s not often that anyone cuts me like that.   Lord release me from my thoughts of WTF??

Toward this person I know what the right thoughts are and WTF doesn’t apply.


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