As I sat here waiting for the computer to reboot so I could write about my new attitude and outlook, my old attitude and outlook have clouded the warm, sunny air of this warm, sunny day. Not my old old attitude and outlook. Not the one from my drunken, 16-21 year old days.
That’s changed completely. Drinking, I found reality so challenging that I could not cope. Now, I would absolutely hate to think that I’d miss some of life, even the bad parts, to unconsciousness, drunkenness and black outs.
My attitude is that I am blessed among humans beyond measure. The bad things that come my way are cake compared to what some people deal with. I don’t know what I’ll get in the future, but all I’ve received so far puts me way beyond what I could ever hope to deserve.
My outlook is that most people, most especially the ones I come into contact with daily, are mostly good and thoughtful and willing to help. Even at my age, I have almost unlimited opportunities, and certainly enough opportunity to do what I want to do. Even in my most awful, trying times, times like when my children are in trouble and the outcome is uncertain, there is something in me that strives to be peaceful and content.
Positive things like fun and love and creativity are abundant in my life and it seems like they will be so in the future. I can devote lots of my time to pursuits beyond making a living and providing money for life’s necessities. There is so much to learn I can never begin to scratch the surface.
Tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone, but I’m reasonably secure in the belief that my loved ones and I will have all the resources someone can have to meet any emergency. My primary relationships are intact to the degree that I envision them continuing. Sort of happily. Not 100% on that one.
Upon life. Yes. That has changed from when I wanted to die to now when I want to live. I used to find existence too too difficult to take it straight. I understand now that straight is the only possibility for me. And I wouldn’t change that with the magic pill or cure.