Pride in Reverse

That random post thing is awesome.  I hit it, and I ended up here and I revisited my self-righteous anger issues from one day in April, 2008.  More than a year ago.  I can’t say I’ve come very far since then.

Taking pride as a sin and character defect of having too high an opinion of ones self, pride in reverse would be having too low an opinion of ones self.  This concept appears in Step Four as part of the moral inventory.  The character defect (and isn’t it fun that we all have both pride and pride in reverse?) is not believing ourselves to be the same as every other person.  The right size.

I have a very deep feeling of inferiorty in many ways.  An easy one is that I’m short.  I’m sorry but in this time and this place, taller is better.  Not freakishly taller, but nicely taller.  I had no say in the matter and it certainly does not say anything about my character, still I feel inferior because of it.  And I can imagine that someone could be “proud” of their height, even though they had nothing to do with that.

When I first stopped drinking, I felt like a real waste of space and truly I was one.  And also a menace.

In sobriety, I have a few moments I look back on with intense guilt.  These mainly involve my kids, my work and my dog.  All care-taking roles and a few times I failed terribly to protect.

Last night, the topic at the meeting I attended was “we will not regret the past.”  Honestly I don’t fully understand that promise, and from the way the discussion went last night, neither do the people I was with.  This not understanding (and because I love AA) makes me look forward to the future when I do understand it better.  There are still keys to serenity I have yet to use.

Generally, I don’t think I wallow in guilt and self-loathing.  I’m glad that today I have a chance to recognize these things when they’re small, and not to help them grow.

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4 thoughts on “Pride in Reverse

    • Well there’s not a lot about it, but it’s mentioned in Step Four of The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. I will say that, to my understanding, the opposite of pride and pride in reverse is humility. I would suggest a study of humility, in the AA literature and elsewhere. Thanks for your question.

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