I have a little photo holder thingy that I’ve had since junior high school. Long ago I began collecting sayings I like and putting them there, flipping the page weekly. I’ve written these in a widget on the side and I rotate them. I seldom add anything new but I read a sentence the other night that lit up my psyche, it seemed so true and made things clear in a way they hadn’t been before.
Scaring yourself through what-if scenarios is what has traditionally been called worry. – Edmund Bourne
I love it! It’s in a book I’m reading to try and eradicate my fear of flying. It rings so true for me. That’s what a fear of flying is in a nutshell. The other day at work, a coworker asked me why a certain someone had left her voice mail asking her to call. I had no idea why. The coworker proceeded through many scary what-if scenarios, even as she and I knew that was a waste of precious time.
I rehearse my fear of flying. I know I do. I’m trying to stop living in the problem and live in the solution instead. It makes it clear how ridiculous it is when I think of it as scaring myself. Why do I continue to scare myself? It’s not pleasant, aside from the obvious fact that it feeds the fear and helps it grow.
On a different topic, I’ve sharpened the point that I don’t do a daily inventory in the way Step Ten suggests. I’ve made a few false starts and tried to get some kind of something going, but so far nothing sticks. I started rotating character defects in the side bar and trying to pay special attention to one at a time, the way I do with people I pray for and about.
Currently up is “closed-mindedness.” I thought I probably won’t have much to say about this one, since I try to be open minded. I’ve long known I have a problem with people who I consider to be “intolerant.” I can’t tolerate them! So there’s that. This very day, someone I consider to be “intolerant” commented about how distasteful the word “retarded” is when it’s used as an epithet. He’s on my side about at least one thing, probably many more.
But then I went to church. Here much of my closed-mindedness abides and worships and grows and grows. A child was making her first communion, at the age of 6. My mind is completely closed to this. I knew it when I felt that yes and absolutely – I’m closed-minded and proud of it! I’m right, they are wrong!
This is a tricky subject to think about. They may indeed be “wrong” for me, which leads me to consider why I attend a church I don’t agree with. But that’s a whole other can of worms.
While I’m attending this church, can I open my mind to their practices? And if I can’t, can I admit my closed-mindedness and admit that it is a defect of my character?