The categories and archives of this blog are so cool to me. I was able to choose “prayer” and see what I had written. It’s been a while now. Having the blog has organized my thoughts on this and many topics in a way I had not done before. It really has become a personal tool for me in that way, in addition to being a record of my experience.
This picture is from yesterday when all (two) of my offspring were high, high, up in the sky, waiting to be dropped. I wasn’t really afraid they’d be hurt or worse (although the ride did need to stop, just before their turn, due to a wrongly pushed button). But it crossed my mind that they could be. Then, and of course at other times and when I left them there to go home.
How much of my (and all human) prayer has to do with death, fear of death, fear of what happens after death? A lot. Their very human bodies made of bones and organs and fragile, fragile, fragile, up against that sky brings it home for me. Luck and I have brought them this far but I just don’t get to know, moment to moment. And how can a mother of adult children let go of the thrust of her being that had the sole aim of protecting these people? My very body used to have this sole mission. It can’t be undone.
Although the teenage years do help one let go. (kidding)
I’ve continued rotating prayers in the widget on the sidebar, and each time I change it I type it out again. That has helped me learn them over the months and I know many parts by heart, and can call on them in my mind when I need them. I’ve done less with the Prayers and Meditations page and I may want to revamp that somehow, sometime. I still carry my book of prayers to work and I do still bring it to difficult meetings to write from. I’m happy to say that difficult meetings are not happening every single day anymore. Though they are often. When something is particularly hard I write out a prayer and what it means to me and how it can help me and I email it to myself and paste it here.
I still like the rotating prayer list and when I change the prayer in the widget, I change the person in the widget. I continue to add difficult people to that list and it amazes me still how I could have overlooked some people who I stress over every single day. I keep adding.
And just because my prayers for this day will center on Xandra, I will post another picture of her.