Thursday, July 16 (this day)

Send Thy peace O Lord, which is perfect and everlasting, that our souls may radiate peace.
Send Thy peace O Lord, that we may think, act and speak harmoniously.
Send Thy peace O Lord, that we may be contented and thankful for Thy bountiful gifts.
Send Thy peace O Lord, that amidst our worldly strife, we may enjoy Thy bliss.  Send Thy peace O Lord, that we may endure all, tolerate all, in the thought of Thy grace and mercy.
Send Thy peace O Lord, that our lives may become a Divine vision and in Thy light, all darkness may vanish.
Send Thy peace O lord, our Father and Mother, that we Thy children on Earth may all unite in one family.
Prayer for Peace – pir-o-murshid inaya khan – 1921

Today I’m trying to think about practicing these principles in all my affairs.  “These principles” being I guess what came before the 12th step.  There are the absolutes of honesty, love, and I forget what else.  Openness?  Willingness?  I am a poor specimen.

But the principles of the prayer will stand in very well.  I’m having a tough time and I need to stop it.  Uncertainty threatens my sense of well being but I know I have always been well, regardless.

I know I’m not radiating peace.  What I’m radiating is toxic primarily to me and secondarily to others, most of whom are innocent and do not deserve my poison.  All of whom are innocent and don’t deserve my poison.

My thinking is muddled, confused and scattered.    I have a few small resentments that I feel getting pricked and stirred up frequently.  I get the over riding feeling that someone I’m dealing with views me as incompetent or worse.  This may be all my own stuff.  I know I cannot know someone else’s motivation and it’s a waste of time to go down that road.  Because of this impression of mine, my actions are not what they could be.  AND I’m spending precious time trying to get a grip on myself rather than working, here at work.  I need a thought or slogan beyond “let go and let God.”  Although letting go and letting God would be a good start.
What I speak is not spoken harmoniously.  Maybe half harmonious, half self preservation.  Which is not helpful.  My preservation is not threatened.

Contented would be good.  Content with the constant state of flux.  So what?  Again, I’m not threatened.  I can ride it out, whatever it is.

……………… Back from a “party.”  My feelings, my emotions, certainly play in here and they should not.  I am truly am truly am thankful for this place, these people, these situations.  Someone’s mother in law passed away this morning.  She’s my age and I get another day and she doesn’t.  Really, I have hope for more years, and she doesn’t.

Bliss in the worldly strife.    I’m not feeling the bliss right now.

Endure all and tolerate all in the thought of God’s grace and mercy.  Not feeling it.

My life as a divine vision.  Not going to shoot for that, but I think it would be useful to envision the person I wish I could be.  To borrow some characteristics from people I have known who did this well.  There’s a small part of me that wants to push to make it right here.

But mostly it feels impossible and it’s a constant struggle.  Because of me, not because of the situation.

I’m united in this family but it’s dysfunctional.

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