I’ve not considered myself to be an angry person, generally, and I tend more toward the depressed side of things than the angry. But I am consumed by anger right now, over a specific situation and I don’t remember ever being this angry before.
So in between the things I was supposed to do today, I worked a bit on my anger. I have no conclusions but a few things I’ve reminded myself of, or tried to understand better.
– anger hurts me spiritually, physically and mentally (emotionally)
-it shuts out God – closes the door on a higher power – I am the highest power when I’m angry
-AA tells me that my goal is to rid myself of anger. It doesn’t say there is healthy anger, or justifiable anger, or anger I can hold on to and play with for a while. It tells me when I’m angry, I am wrong, regardless of the cause of my anger.
-Knowing I’m angry, I must make sure I don’t hurt anyone else, or myself.
-Why am I angry? Part of my anger comes from the fact that I can’t tell. I can’t tell on this blog and I can’t tell anyone in real life. That is unfair and it makes me angrier.
-But I’m angry because I’m afraid (and other things I can’t mention). Am I ready to have my fear removed? My self-esteem has been damaged.
-God please help me be ready to have them removed. God please save me (yes, save me!) from being angry.
-Anger is poison. This afternoon, when I noted that, I was thinking that is poisons me, as it surely does. But I see now that it poisons those around me also.
-I am not running the show.
-My anger comes from self-pity, selfishness, self-centeredness and self-seeking.
-My anger actually has the power to kill me. I know this is true and not overly dramatic.
-I have ceased fighting anyone or anything (even alcohol).
-Being angry is like beating myself with a club.
-I’m trying to proclaim my own righteousness.
-Rage makes me feel powerful and offsets my feelings of shame or inadequacy.
I am still learning.