Then There Are Those Occasions (Step Ten continued)

Then there are those occasions when alone, or in the company of our sponsor or spiritual advisor, we make a careful review of our progress since the last time.  Many of us also like the experience of an occasional retreat from the outside world where we can quiet down for an undisturbed day or so of self-overhaul and meditation.

I don’t do this either.

I have a (sort of) funny story about my first and only retreat.  I was pregnant, so it occurred when I had around 14 months of sobriety.  A dear friend in recovery, one who I’m still in touch with, asked me to go and I went.  This was at what I imagine is a nice monastery type place, on the ocean.  I imagine it because I didn’t see much of it.  I honestly don’t remember but I’m pretty sure I didn’t make it through the first night.    I sort of freaked out and had someone come get me.  I remember driving home, at dawn, thinking about what a nut I was.

I haven’t tried it since and I really don’t want to, though recently, because of new program friends who enjoy this immensely, I’ve sort of begun to think I might one day reconsider.  Maybe.  A long long time from now.

So my “progress since the last time” is not a formal review or timing of anything.  At times, circumstances cause me to reflect on my self of the past, and sometimes I do see that I’ve moved forward or sometimes backward in some way.

Wow, I would love to overhaul myself.  I guess that’s what I’m doing here.


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