March 22, 2009 (this day)

march09-028I seem to write about weekends much more than weekdays.  That’s because I have more time on weekends.  When I started writing last year, I never intended to write every day.  I know that lots of bloggers do set out to do that, but I would be stressed with finding or making time.  So I work it in at a certain proportion, making sure I get to it, but the frequency depends on what else is going on with me.

I didn’t get to bring up the topic last night because the man who lead (told his story) had one:  Balance.  That’s what I’m talking about!  People talked about balancing AA meetings with the rest of their lives, balancing their time in general, and having balanced emotions.

I mostly feel in balance.  Through the years the frequency of my meetings has varied.  When I finally achieved a sobriety that would last, I had been going to meetings for five or six years.  In lots of my beginnings, I had attended 90 meetings in 90 days and so forth.  I highly recommend doing that to new people.

Last night, at that meeting, I again had the most sober time (in terms of years) in that room.  That’s fine, and I’m grateful and blessed (and sometimes a little nervous – could that mean I’m the next to die?).  But when I came in, the rooms were full of people.  Where are they?

Many were old and died sober.  Many drank and many drifted away.  For most of my sobriety I’ve had one meeting a week as my absolute minimum, meaning I will not miss a meeting on that seventh day without one if I can possibly help it.  I’ve let that slip a bit from time to time, but not by much.  I belong to a group and I go there every week unless I truly can’t.  So this is the balance I’ve struck for now and it works for me.  For some people, with whatever amount of time, one or two meetings a week wouldn’t be enough and I do not fault them at all for that.  People who are not in AA spend huge amounts of time doing destructive things, like drinking.  Time spent in AA meetings is an OK coping mechanism in my book and in my life.

The picture is from yesterday, when we took the dog to a park to walk.  A certain amount of time with and devoted to the dog is also something I need, and I’m trying to achieve a better balance there (and not worry about her so much).  My job has gotten crazy and my house is a mess but I’m writing here because I consider this time devoted to recovery as something that I want to do.  I wouldn’t drink without it, but it adds to the quality of my sobriety and I enjoy it.

Today I took the time to go to church and tonight Erika is coming over (I hope) and I have to ask her to check on the crocheting she taught me a few days ago.  There’s a TV show I like on Sundays (Desperate Housewives) and if it’s new I’ll watch that.

I look back on the time when the kids needed to be transported to school activities and medical appointments and stores and such, and I can’t believe I did it without melting down (more often).  It would be a scary undertaking at this point but I guess I coped with it at the time.

Last night at the meeting a friend of mine who is newer to AA commented that she noticed that many people with lots of time were saying they were not in balance, or have a hard time achieving balance.  But truly I think we raise the floor as time goes by, and what was good progress years ago has been left and surpassed.  Otherwise those people with lots of years wouldn’t still be sitting there and talking about.  It’s part of the beauty of AA for me that it tells us we must reach ever further and higher and continue to improve in order to live well.  And it is part of the miracle of AA for me that I and they want to continue, even long after alcohol has ceased to be an issue.

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