For the first time since I started carrying it, I forgot to take my “let go and let God” rock to work with me in my pocket. A while ago I did send it through the wash, and the words mostly wore off. I asked Erika if Sharpie on glass would stay and she said it would. She works in a lab and they use it there. I tried it but it wore off quickly. Still I carried the rock and clutched it at pertinent times thinking “let go and let God.” But today I forgot it.
I’ve been mostly on my own at work the past two days. My partner is on vacation for the week, and the supervisor has been out sick. That’s left me mostly in charge by myself of 20-25 staff and responsible for all the clients. In many ways, maybe in most ways, I actually prefer being on my own. But ultimately I don’t like the feeling of all that responsibility and no one to share it with. It can be a good feeling that I’m able to play a part in bringing everybody successfully and safely through the day. But I much prefer taking care of people and the writing that I do at work to being any kind of cop.
I find these posts about my day very difficult to write. To say what I did to stay sober today (beyond writing this) – I read The Sermon on the Mount before work. I read As Bill Sees It at work. I clutched my key ring in place of my let go and let god stone. I read a prayer at noon and thought many times that it’s actually currently someone at work I am concentrating my prayers and attention on.
Thinking about it, I did not do these things to stay sober. Drinking didn’t enter my mind today till just now, writing about it, and most days it doesn’t enter my mind at all. There was a terrible accident in the middle of the night in which someone was driving on the wrong side of a divided highway. I thought alcohol might have been involved in that. But I didn’t have any other thoughts of it.
I did those things to improve the quality of my sobriety and to achieve more serenity.
I just helped Erika take some pictures she’ll use to try and sell hemp necklaces she makes on ESTY. I’ll read and maybe clean a bit, read message boards and blogs and try not to eat too much. And try not to let good old menopause wreck the evening.