February 5, 2009 (this day)

This day was pretty average and uneventful.  It was three degrees this morning when I got up.  I didn’t walk the dog in that.  I went to work and worked all day.  I’m having a minor problem there, where it seems to me like someone I work closely with is being contrary to me all the time.  I keep trying to forgive and trying to avoid her.

Carole left for a few days, so I came home to be alone with the critters all night.  I’ve cleaned a bit and run up and down the stairs several times with the dog, in order to give us exercise without going out in the slippery cold.  The other day I bought a kind of no-pull harness I’ll have to try soon.  Xandra is big and strong, and when she she’s another dog when we’re walking, she goes nuts.  We’ve had her to the dog park, to visit other dogs’ houses, and we’ve had dogs visit us here, and she isn’t dangerously aggressive off the leash.  But on the leash she goes nuts, and it frightens me, mostly I think because of what I’ve been through.  I can’t over power her.  She has to behave because she wants to.  I’m studying dog training and not giving up, but it’s so difficult.  I also walk with an air horn around my neck to break up potential fights.  But I know they can be deadly.

So a day and night like this is difficult for me to accept and be serene.  I feel the dog needs more exercise and stimulation, and for some reason, thinking things aren’t good enough for her makes me nuts.  I really need to get over it.  I used to love this kind of time to myself, time when I don’t have to be anywhere for anyone until tomorrow morning.  But I don’t love it now because I do fret about the dog.

But tonight, I’m grateful I got to work today and that I do again tomorrow.  I’m grateful for that dog and my other pets, and that they are all safe and warm and healthy.  My house is warm and my refrigerator is full and my loved ones are, as far as I know, OK.  And if I keep trying I may find a way to make those walks work with that girl.

january09-001december08-110

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