January 15, 2009 (This Day)

project2Two things are dominating my world.  One is the very cold coldness.  Two is my monthly “friend,” who has been here for over a week, and who I didn’t want to see in the first place.  Menopause-I am waiting for the pause.  And trying to be patient.  And trying not to take drugs or have surgery.  Over the past three years, I can see that it is diminishing.  I have to remember and accept that when I’m into my second week like this.  This is worse than anything that happened in all of 2008, so most likely it will stop soon.  And if not, I’ll go to the doctor and decide if treatments are worth it.  I think too of all that is available to me, more than most women through all time ever had.  I can be brave.

The cold isn’t too bad, either.  It’s too cold to walk the dog, and that causes me lots of stress.  I’m stressed walking her and I’m stressed not being able to walk her.  And I’m working on my stress over the dog issues.  The cold is also making most of my skin hurt, and making driving difficult at times.  Yesterday, the ride that usually takes 45 minutes or a bit less took me over two hours because of snow.  The most stressful part was worrying about the dog.

I also took my prayer binder back to the staff meetings and I added several people to my list – people I resent at work.  My list is looking rather yucky and I dread finding out if these people need to be on my amends list.

I’m writing while waiting for Erika to call.  She’s having Carole and I over for dinner for the first time, and we will also get to meet her cat.  Erika is 23, and at that age I had a cat and her.  Yet I seriously worry about her ability to take care of herself and a cat.

All this sounds like tons of worrying for me, and it is true that I worry too too much.  But it doesn’t dominate my days.  Mostly I’m so glad Erika’s here and wants to see us, that we have good dog sitters and good dogs (the furniture wasn’t eaten after our lengthy absence yesterday), a warm house and a warm place to work and a car that will start in the cold.  Roads that are fairly decent.  In a way I really prefer the cold to the heat.  Though neither are great, heat makes me feel like I’m going to die, whereas cold just hurts.

This will be my second full week of work and my second week of you know what.  Monday I have off for Martin Luther King Jr Day, Tuesday I took off to watch the inauguration of Barack Obama.  We’ve invited some people over and I don’t know if anyone will come, but I’m trying very hard to get over the Rick Warren thing and be happy, happy, happy.  Hillary was confirmed as Secretary of State.  Roe vs Wade seems safer.  I’m more hopeful than I’ve been in a dog’s age for gay rights, education, the environment, health care – really for the whole world.  This was a good day and it seems it will be a good night too.


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