January 5, 2009 (This Day)

panMonday and back to work.  That was good!  I’m having a pretty good attitude about it, and I’d been off for too too long.  I left early though, to go get another mammogram.  The results were good, but ……. without too much detail, I think menopause is making me sick!  I’ve had several varied symptoms, though no “hot flashes” yet.  I probably complained about it before, but I don’t know anyone who has gone through menopause without intervention, whether drugs or surgery or procedures or all of the above.  I’m no advocate of suffering, but I don’t want to take things that could increase my chances of cancer or heart disease if I don’t have to.  Not just to be more comfortable.  Before the mammogram I went to the library and took out two books about menopause.  I guess if there’s no one to talk to, I can at least read about it.  The worst part of the whole thing is the anxiety and worry, which I imagine will get worse as I get older and bad diagnoses are more probable.  I really want to live while I’m alive, and not worry about being sick and dying.  It’s a goal of mine to stop worrying.

This week will be a bit tough on my need for unobligated time.  I’m working every day and doing something three nights after work and something also on Saturday.  I know it’s too much for me, but it’s not really to be helped.

My son is still home from college, and the picture is of him making bacon in my “Poppy’s” cast iron skillet, which is over 50 years old now.  He is named after my grandfather, and my grandfather was very important to me.  He died when I was 18 and so he never saw my children, though my grandmother did.  Nicholas asked if he can have the pan, and I said he can, though not while he’s in student housing.  I then told him (again) all I know about the name, how my grandfather and his father came to have it.  Nicholas is half way through his junior year at a very tough school.

I went to my group’s meeting on Saturday, and another meeting on Sunday.  That will probably be it for the week.

………. and, just as I’m writing, more symptoms.  And the news is plugging a report in 15 minutes about the changes menopause brings that can change your shape and damage your health, and what they recommend you do.  Let me guess.  It can make you fat, and you should eat less and move more.  Film at 11.

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