That’s the definition I remember from when I looked it up a long time ago. Alcoholism, we are told, is an insidious disease. The Dictionary.com definition is
|1.||intended to entrap or beguile: an insidious plan.|
|2.||stealthily treacherous or deceitful: an insidious enemy.|
|3.||operating or proceeding in an inconspicuous or seemingly harmless way but actually with grave effect: an insidious disease.|
Just the sound of the word is right. It sneaks in, in a bad way. It sneaks and traps and kills. It lies and it tempts. It seems harmless, but it’s not.
For me, specifically, it hasn’t gone that way yet. When I drank after a period of sobriety, I was pretty sure I was on the down slide. Really it was drink, or kill myself. I knew to a large degree that it would progress and I would get worse.
But I have heard it said again and again and again, over and over, by the people lucky enough to make it back. The thought that they can drink again after a period of sobriety gets them, and it doesn’t work, and they come back. I think the lucky ones come back.
Again, the miracle for me and for other lucky people is that I don’t want to drink again, even safely. I don’t want to leave AA, even safely.