My son was born in February of 1988. After a scare with the chicken pox, he surivived and recovered and aside from some mild colic, he was and still is as good a son as anyone could wish for. My ex eventually became happily and gainfully employed. I read and studied (in the 12 and 12) Steps One, Two and Three to make sure I felt them as whole-heartedly as I possibly could. I started going back to church, which was not easy with a baby and a toddler, but I did it. I decided to do a fourth step at four and five years sober.
I don’t remember much about what that fourth step actually said. I worked with only the Big Book and the Twelve and Twelve as guides and I just got on with it. While all this was going on, I attended a Christmas party at my ex’s place of employment. I saw on the company video that they would be opening offices in a city less than 150 miles from my home town. I asked my ex to enquire about tranferring.
I asked a woman I liked to hear my fifth step. This she did.
The company said transfer was possible, and then they offered to pay for our move of about 3000 miles.
After hearing my fifth step, my friend took the Big Book off of her own shelf. Or maybe she had it on the table all along. Either way, she apprised me of the part that instructs me after the fifth step to go right on along to Step Six.
Ten years later, visiting Dr. Bob’s house for the first time, although I’d worked all the steps for many years, I did not feel that I could fully say I had “taken” Step Six. And actually, I did another fourth and fifth step in between times. But that’s another story.
And a lot of that is why, when I started this blog last February, I started with Step Six. I’ve been through it twice, greeting a crisis with a renewed fourth and fifth step. And while that certainly isn’t a bad thing to do – in fact, it’s a very good thing to do – it hasn’t gotten me much farther down that road, so I’m trying it this way this time.