Experience, Strength and Hope (my story continued – 23, 24, 25)

From that day in 1984 until now, I have not had a drink nor have I taken a recreational drug.  I intend to never do that again, for the rest of my life, one day at a time.  I’m fortunate to know, beyond any doubt in my mind, that once I start, I can’t stop, and I can’t drink a normal amount.

I met someone in the program, and we got married and had a child, my daughter Erika.  My X had been working for someone in the program, actually the partner of my sponsor Marva.  Before Erika was born, that company failed, and for a time my X was out of work.  He hooked up with another company and worked for them.  The money was OK, but the work was off the books.

Giving birth to Erika was a truly awful experience.  I know I was traumatized, and the three months of colic that followed her birth didn’t do much for my serenity either.  I kept going to meetings, and I made my own personal minimum once a week.  If the seventh day arrived and for whatever reason I had not been to a meeting, I made it there that seventh day.  I took the baby with me if I needed to.  I mostly attended the same women’s meeting every week, but I went to others as well.  I don’t remember anything interesting during that time as far as sobriety goes.  I think I coasted along OK.

When Erika was just a year old, my X got a job proposal from someone he had worked with in the past, someone who moved far away.  The job was very far away.  I had lived in the same place all my life, and really I had no desire to leave.  But in order to keep the little family together and to be a stay at home mom for my daughter, I agreed to go.  I naively thought that if I didn’t like it, I could just move back.

Not so.  The company paid for our move there, and it was very costly.  It’s interesting to me that on the flight to my new location, I was, for the first time ever, afraid of flying.  Not for me, but I was sure my cat, who was in cargo, would die.  Over the next few years this evolved into an awful fear of flying, made worse by the fact that I had to fly any time I wanted to see my family and friends from growing up.

Next I’ll write about my experience being in the program in a strange new land.


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