It’s been good to write down all I remember from the years I spent drinking. I started when I was 16, and my mother gave me my first drink, to combat menstrual cramps. I quickly found that I loved the effect and did not want to live without it. I set about trying to devise ways in which I could go through life mildly intoxicated.
Being a “real” alcoholic, I was unable to pull that off, even for a short time. I quickly knew I had gone over the edge, that I was an alcoholic, and that I couldn’t control my drinking. I sought the help of Alcoholics Anonymous and I began attending meetings just before I turned 17. Shortly after I started, I achieved about 18 months of continuous sobriety, but then I drank again.
During those years from my first drink to my last, I drank on and off, and attended AA on and off. My alcoholism progressed and my situations worsened until, just before I was 22, I saw no future for myself with alcohol and at the same time I saw no future without it. That loss of hope that I could ever stop drinking finally enabled me to do so.