More Gratitude

I went to the hospital to get my last test. The doctor said everything looks completely fine. I guess it’s still a medical mystery as to why my cycles are wonky, although I tend to think it is menopause. The medical people say no.

I’ve been through months of these tests, and fairly frightened at some times. I’m grateful beyond grateful that it’s OK for now.

Being at the hospital was interesting. I hadn’t been to this one before. It is a women’s hospital. I was afraid of this test fearing it would feel awful or painful, and just a little frightened of what the result might be.

First thing, Carole’s alarm didn’t go off, and the pets woke us up. Turns out she had set her alarm (for herself) for the time I had actually planned to leave, 7:30. Thinking it would be earlier, but not actually asking, I turned my alarm off. So I got up later than I had wanted to. Being late is a huge stressor for me. I’m never late, and actually chronically early. I started out on an anxious foot, leaving about ten minutes later than I’d wanted to and having to rush to get ready and get out.

Traffic. It took me 30 minutes to go a distance that usually takes 10, if that. Stress upon stress. When I got through the traffic, I had to navigate a route, since much of my world is under construction and you can’t get there from here. I had never been to the hospital and I didn’t know where to park, or where that would leave me in this gigantic place. Once parked and inside, I wandered around trying to follow signs to the lobby or information. I’m not stupid, and English is my first (and only) language, and I figure I can understand these things as well as the next person. Couldn’t figure it out, had to ask.

I signed up and in, and they did not ask me for the results of the pregnancy test they had insisted I needed. Last Wednesday, I spent half the day of a heavy period day getting the order, getting the test, going to medical records, getting the results. For nothing.

I was pretty well frightened before the test, but it wasn’t bad, and of course the result makes it all worth while. Free and clear.

That is the main gratitude of the situation, but there are many, many others. Knowing I had written about gratitude yesterday, I tried to pay attention to my grateful thoughts. Not have them on purpose, but sort of try to see how gratitude works in my mind in a trying situation.

I was grateful the pets woke me up when they did. Grateful I know my way around the construction. Grateful for the use of such a magnificent facility, and the unbelievable technology that lets them see inside me that way. I was grateful I could ask for help and understand the answers. Grateful for the very nice medical personnel who took care of me. Grateful that I wasn’t in the situation many people in there waiting room were in. There were so many mothers accompanying their young, pregnant daughters. I’m worried and concerned about my daughter, but not for the reasons they are. I was grateful when, seeing so many cancer patients, I have the reasonable hope that I will have someone to accompany me through that, should it happen. I was grateful not to be the woman in the elevator asking where oncology is.

Along with fear and some annoyance, these thoughts of gratitude came to me again and again. I think it’s because I’ve practiced being grateful that it has become second nature. And for that, I am grateful.

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