Restless, Irritable and Disappointed

So there’s lots of things bothering me right this minute. Some are little, some are medium sized, all are luxury problems.

I’ve written before that we are big Hillary fans, and have actually been involved in the campaign. I don’t mind stating this, by the way, though some AA bloggers may disagree. AA is not involved in any politics, nor does it have any opinions on outside matters. I, however, am not AA, nor do I speak in any way for AA. Also, hopefully people who don’t know who I am, don’t know who I am, if that makes sense. I hope no one would think I speak in any way for AA. I’m merely a member, since I call myself one, and the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.

So this is how that happened. In 2001, Carole and I sat crying at George Bush’s inauguration on TV. I said something like next time, we need to do more than cry. In 2004, I asked Carole to see what we could do, since I hate to talk to people, and she loves to. She got us involved minimally in that campaign. Actually I was minimally involved, and she did more, since lots of volunteering involves talking to strangers. And I did it just because I feel it should be done. She does also, but she also actually enjoys it.

Hillary for President began back then, almost as a joke. I used it as a joke to horrify some politically conservative people I know (some friends, some not). As time went on and Hillary actually ran, Carole got very involved. My role changed then mostly to supportive spouse, though I did find that planting annoying signs is a good job for me, since it doesn’t involve talking to strangers.

Lots of our time and money went into this. Much more Carole than me, but I was also invested.

The way the situation played out, it seemed to me a long time ago that whoever did not win this nomination could rightfully claim that the process has not been fair. It boggles my mind if I think about how arbitrary and chancey these things are. If only and what if. I heard Hillary herself tell us not to go there, and I’d hate for her legacy to be a McCain presidency.

So we have all that. Now, it seems that the time has arrived for me to have my last medical test in the quest to find out what’s not wrong with me. Forty five frustrating minutes on the phone to make an appointment. The minutes were very frustrating, at times because the people on the phone were sending me back to each other. At times they had no help and told me the wait would be long. They scheduled me (finally) for next Tuesday , but because I said the wrong thing, they said I had to have a pregnancy test at a lab and bring the results with me Tuesday. Of course AA has made me believe in miracles, but a pregnancy for me would be way beyond miraculous.

I spent today running around to get the order then the test then the results. At each turn I feared a failure of something that would make my Tuesday test impossible. That didn’t happen, so I’m still full speed ahead. At the same time, actually after all that, I had symptoms of my problem that made my evening plans impossible. I’m not even going to try to go in to work tomorrow.

My daughter continues to be jobless, I have to write yet another check for Cobra. I fear she will get a job, and I fear that she won’t get a job. My dog problem persists. I haven’t written about that in detail yet, but it boils down to my continued inability to take the dog for a walk any time I want to and in a fearless manner. I’m working on it. Carole will be home in less than two days (she’s been away), and I have to clean the house, but I’m not feeling well.

In the midst of all this, before I went to fetch the order for the test this morning, I went to a meeting. I’d really rather go to the gym, but my physical symptoms are making that impossible. So a meeting it was. The topic was “keep it simple” and the chair person read from Daily Reflections about Bob telling Bill as the last thing he ever said to him to keep it simple and not mess it up. I would like to pick up a “keep it simple” wand and wave it over all those luxury problems I’ve described.

Presidential candidate = excellent.

Hillary’s reputation and standing = good.

Witnessing positive history = yes (wow).

My health = very good.

My access to medical care = excellent.

My daughter’s prospects = excellent.

Likelihood I will one day be a competent dog walker =

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