But whenever we had to choose between character and comfort, the character-building was lost in the dust of our chase after what we thought was happiness.
I thought I wouldn’t have much to say about the beginning parts of this step. After all, I have spent so many years considering humility and being humble! (Doesn’t it show?) I am also partly back in the space where I can’t identify with some aspects of the middle aged maleness of some of the AA writing. I know these guys took money from their families, lost their jobs, cheated on their wives, etc etc. If I follow this thought, I will admit that I would have been headed for a similar fate, if I had been lucky enough to achieve it. Honestly, I was probably too far gone to live that long or achieve even that much.
So yes, I chased after what I thought was happiness. In my pitiful little world, that mostly consisted of the guy I wanted to be with, and a future dream of having children. And as I wrote previously, even though I was only 16 when all this began, even at 16, I did know it was very wrong. And I did it anyway. I did it at 16 and 17 and 18, and up until I was almost 22.
It’s a little more difficult to apply this to today. Over the years I’ve come to see that character building leads to comfort in a very real, permanent way. Certainly the whenever aspect of that sentence does not apply any longer. I actually think I will have to give this thought because I can’t nail down a concrete statement about it right now. So the step I thought would be quickly done is making me pause over sentence after sentence.