The Lost Years Continued (My Story continued – 18, 19, 20, 21)

Paraphrasing from the Big Book, and without looking, these are things I did to control my drinking:  drank only on weekends; drank only on weekdays; never drank and drove; drank only one drink when driving; only drank before a certain hour; only drank after a certain hour; only drank alone; drank only a certain amount per hour; drank only during odd numbered hours; drank only on the half hour; tried and tried and tried some more not to drink so much so quickly.

My favorite technique and the one I remember the best was the beer technique.  I never liked the taste of alcohol.  Not one single kind, not even one time.  I think my body knew from the start that it was poison.  And it is poison.  Cigarettes and coffee I learned to work my way through the initial aversion and I came to sort of like them.  Not alcohol.  The drinks I liked best tasted the least like alcohol, or had the lowest concentration of alcohol.  I didn’t have many opportunities to have mixed drinks.  The one I remember liking best was a Midori Sour.  No doubt it contains lots of sugar, to disguise the taste of the alcohol.

The beer technique had me drinking beer, because it takes longer to get drunk that way.  So many times, most of the time, I think, I just drank too much, too quickly.  I would try to delay and put off drinking more until what I had hit me, but so often I’d drink more, and more, and before I knew it I was too far gone.  Farther than I’d meant to go.

I had a few social occasions to drink, but mostly I drank alone.  Mostly I was alone.  I continued my relationship through this whole time, and so I was often alone.  Aside from being legal to buy alcohol, my drinking changed little, beyond progressing.  I could buy alcohol and so I didn’t drink the hideous concoctions I had before I had turned 18.  I heard the story tonight of someone who had been a dishwasher, and he had combined the drinks that came back to him at his dishwashing station into one, to drink later.  Everyone, me included, groans at that.  But I remember that well.

As a note to myself, I’ll say that next I’ll write about some of the things I remember from that time.  There isn’t much!  I really did lose so much of those years.


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