All posts tagged Hillary Clinton

February 11, 2012 (this day)

It’s a cold and snowy Saturday.  Carole has baked some yummy things for the meeting tonight.  We watched half of the first half of the first Harry Potter movie.  I am, was, going to walk the dog momentarily before I get ready for the meeting, but I see it may have gotten too cold.  Twenty degrees is my limit of coldness.  I should have gone earlier.  Although now I just checked the thermometer and it says it’s actually 20.  So off I will go.

I’ll walk the dog down to the mailbox, which is a very short walk.  We’ll return the DVD “Gasland.”  Carole and I watched part of it until she fell asleep.  But we got the gist.

It’s an election year here in the US.  Well, a presidential election year.  We won’t be as involved as last time, when Carole campaigned and then some for Hillary.  I have been so incredibly blessed to live through this time and see this president.  And my liberal bleeding human services heart has been hurt by the things politicians from the other party cut.  I honestly struggle, and struggle hard, to see the other side of these questions.

And I’m happy that my mid life has brought me more involvement in these things.  Carole and I cried real tears when GW Bush was sworn in, and we promised to do more than cry next time, to try to prevent anything like that from happening again.  And we have.  Her much more than me, but she is a people kind of person.

And this is not the opinion of AA, this is the opinion of this AA blogger.  AA has been the place where I’ve come closest to loving my neighbor whose opinion differs from mine in this way.  Closer, but I’m not there yet.  I’m very far from there.

And AA teaches me that this is a character defect of mine, and I accept that.  One day I might be ready to work on it, if it hurts enough, and I live long enough.

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by Lydia on February 11, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in alcoholics anonymous, character defects, dog, this day
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Posted by Lydia on February 11, 2012

http://lydiacharlotte.wordpress.com/2012/02/11/february-11-2012-this-day/

January 15, 2009 (This Day)

project2Two things are dominating my world.  One is the very cold coldness.  Two is my monthly “friend,” who has been here for over a week, and who I didn’t want to see in the first place.  Menopause-I am waiting for the pause.  And trying to be patient.  And trying not to take drugs or have surgery.  Over the past three years, I can see that it is diminishing.  I have to remember and accept that when I’m into my second week like this.  This is worse than anything that happened in all of 2008, so most likely it will stop soon.  And if not, I’ll go to the doctor and decide if treatments are worth it.  I think too of all that is available to me, more than most women through all time ever had.  I can be brave.

The cold isn’t too bad, either.  It’s too cold to walk the dog, and that causes me lots of stress.  I’m stressed walking her and I’m stressed not being able to walk her.  And I’m working on my stress over the dog issues.  The cold is also making most of my skin hurt, and making driving difficult at times.  Yesterday, the ride that usually takes 45 minutes or a bit less took me over two hours because of snow.  The most stressful part was worrying about the dog.

I also took my prayer binder back to the staff meetings and I added several people to my list – people I resent at work.  My list is looking rather yucky and I dread finding out if these people need to be on my amends list.

I’m writing while waiting for Erika to call.  She’s having Carole and I over for dinner for the first time, and we will also get to meet her cat.  Erika is 23, and at that age I had a cat and her.  Yet I seriously worry about her ability to take care of herself and a cat.

All this sounds like tons of worrying for me, and it is true that I worry too too much.  But it doesn’t dominate my days.  Mostly I’m so glad Erika’s here and wants to see us, that we have good dog sitters and good dogs (the furniture wasn’t eaten after our lengthy absence yesterday), a warm house and a warm place to work and a car that will start in the cold.  Roads that are fairly decent.  In a way I really prefer the cold to the heat.  Though neither are great, heat makes me feel like I’m going to die, whereas cold just hurts.

This will be my second full week of work and my second week of you know what.  Monday I have off for Martin Luther King Jr Day, Tuesday I took off to watch the inauguration of Barack Obama.  We’ve invited some people over and I don’t know if anyone will come, but I’m trying very hard to get over the Rick Warren thing and be happy, happy, happy.  Hillary was confirmed as Secretary of State.  Roe vs Wade seems safer.  I’m more hopeful than I’ve been in a dog’s age for gay rights, education, the environment, health care – really for the whole world.  This was a good day and it seems it will be a good night too.

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by Lydia on January 15, 2009  •  Permalink
Posted in character defects, children, dog, gratitude, life on life's terms, Step 8, this day
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Posted by Lydia on January 15, 2009

http://lydiacharlotte.wordpress.com/2009/01/15/january-15-2009-this-day/

January 1 2009 (This Day)

Happy New Year!  Two thousand eight was another sober one for me, and I’m grateful.

Yesterday, I tolerated shopping for quite some time, then I tolerated hours of “year in review” type TV that Carole loves to watch.  I also tolerated not hearing from my kids (yet, it’s after ten in the morning) since shortly after midnight, when my son texted Carole and I.

The year in review renewed the sadness I felt over the election, when Hillary didn’t get to be the nominee or president.  I don’t want to be a bummer here.  But.  It was sad.  As for coping with it, I’ve developed a sort of mental scenario that gives me a little peace.  I imagine that before it all transpired, I somehow had the option of participating or not, caring, or not, knowing beforehand what the outcome would be.  Of course I would choose to participate.  The experience was awesome, just seeing it was unbelievable.  I know that in the bigger picture, this was a very necessary step toward equality for women, even though this particular one wasn’t reached this time.  I remember and understand that so often, activist don’t live to see the result the of their efforts, but we who are currently here, now, needed them and what they did to bring us forward.  I should also clarifty that my “participation” was mainly emotional.  I  cared about it.  Maybe in some little way I helped Carole really participate.

This is basically how I’ve been coping with this.  In the past, I had more hope that “things work out for the best.”  Honestly after eight years of George Bush, I don’t think they necessarily do.  So while I’m hopeful that Barack Obama is what’s best, I’m not sure.  Thinking about God being with me and us in the badness as well as the joy works better for me right now.  And again, I’m not sure.

Also with the new year and the new president, the happiness I cultivated is dimished more than I’d like to admit by his Rick Warren innvocation choice.  I try to get past it or be OK with it, but it reminds me of putting lipstick on a pig or pit bull, to borrow a metaphor.  Life on life’s terms.

Aside from politics, the kids I haven’t heard from yet this morning (did I mention that?) did very well in 2008.  Better than I could have ever imagined.  I also think of that to try and keep my worrying down.

Late in the year, I got a few shocks at work, and I’m still not clear on what’s going on there.  Actually that is the reality I must grasp, that I don’t know what’s going on, and if I ever think I do, I’m wasting my time.

I started this blog last February for my sobriety.  I really enjoy doing it, and I have every intention of continuing.  I don’t do it every day, and when I do it, I’m afraid it turns out long.  Sometimes the entries are so long that I don’t want to read them.  I do it more when I’m less busy, but I do it.  I like the balance I have with it now.

Sobriety.  Yesterday, in the mall, we ran into someone we know from inside and outside the program.  We have seen her struggle for probably seven years at this point.  She dropped out of sight a month or two ago, after having been coming to meetings for several months, and having a relapse or two along the way.  In the mall she told us that she had been far away to a month of rehab, having flown herself there in a blackout, and paying for it herself, since her insurance wouldn’t cover inpatient.  Her rehab was not Twelve Step recovery, but included “a little of everything, whatever fits you best.”  She said it was good.  She is not now going to meetings.  She’s working a lot, but as soon as the department store cuts back her hours, since she was hired for the holiday season, she’ll start going to meetings.  Maybe we’ll see her at our meeting next week.

Or maybe we’ll see her in the obituaries.  That’s honestly the way I felt.  Listening to her, she was just giving me the vibe of someone who will not make it.  I pray that I am wrong about that.  I don’t understand.  Having grasped the program tightly, I don’t understand someone who will go to all that expense and trouble to recover, but not follow the suggestions of AA to the letter for a while to give it time to work.  I want to shout that here I am, proof that it works.  Where is your rehab’s proof?  I’m right here, in your local mall.

Later today, Carole and I are going to dinner and games (I guess) at a friend’s house with mostly if not all people from AA.  Our friend will be working in the department store.  I’m left hoping that they cut back her hours soon.  In time.

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by Lydia on January 1, 2009  •  Permalink
Posted in 12 Steps, aa, alcoholics anonymous, children, God, gratitude, life on life's terms, meetings, prayer, recovery, sobriety, this day
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Posted by Lydia on January 1, 2009

http://lydiacharlotte.wordpress.com/2009/01/01/january-1-2009-this-day/

Prayer and Meditations

After all these years, I admit I don’t meditate in a formal fashion. Prayer and meditation is something I am going to spend renewed effort on now. I’ve been doing the prayer thing at work, and that’s good. To summarize, I printed up a few “new” prayers from http://www.worldprayers.org/ and I try to read and write them in order to memorize them. I do this at lunch time (I really don’t have a lunch break) and sometimes during difficult meetings. I know I’m learning the prayers, but I’m not doing it well or quickly. I also read an AA meditation book first thing every morning at work. I keep it where I stow my cell phone, so it’s something I don’t forget to do ever. I also have longer meditations, poems and sayings I’ve collected, and I hang one over my desk each week and try to reread it, contemplate it and apply it to my week. The nature of these things is such that they all apply to so many situations. I try to concentrate on one at a time as it applies to my work week or my home week. In this way I learn it better and incorporate it more over time.

At home, I have a flipping photo thingy from when I was in junior high. Instead of photos, I inserted short sayings and poems that appeal to me. I flip it weekly, and try to contemplate the saying there through the week. I have a Christian meditation book I try to read each morning. I have other AA-inspired meditation books I’ve read at different times. Right now, As Bill Sees It is in the bathroom.

I want to start the prayer thing at home as well as at work, and I think I’d like to work on it and do it as part of this blog.

Before I start with the prayer today, though, I want to expand a bit on what Hillary said and why I like it and how I’ll use it. She said

When you hear people saying or think to yourself, If only, or, What if, I say, please, don’t go there. Every moment wasted looking back keeps us from moving forward.

Life is too short, time is too precious, and the stakes are too high to dwell on what might have been. We have to work together for what still can be.

This applies to all of my situations, of course, but it resonated most strongly for me with regard to my work situation. Briefly, I lost a boss who meant a great deal to me at work. Henceforth she will be known here as Edith. She tried hard to do good things for my workplace, but for various reasons (and I surely don’t know them all) she was not able to continue. I miss her there daily. Outside of work, she’s become a friend, so I lost her in the work capacity only. My work partner and friend, Irene, has come back to work with me after a time away. Irene often, probably several times a day, mentions one or another thing that is wrong with our program, and these are all things that Edith was taking care of. If only weighs on my mind often.

Of course I know the concept of not looking back, either to regret or to celebrate. All that takes time away from today. Hillary said it in a way I was able to heart right now (That is a Freudian typo that I’m going to leave.  Of course I meant HEAR). That’s added to by my highly emotional state over Hillary’s campaign. So I’ll write these words down for my rotating meditations, at home and at work, and try to learn them and live them.

As to prayer, I’ve chose a new one for home, and I’ll record it hear and try to learn it here.

Holy Spirit,
Giving life to all life,
Moving all creatures,
Root of all things,
Washing them clean,
Wiping out their mistakes,
Healing their wounds,
You are our true life,
Luminous, wonderful,
Awakening the heart from its ancient sleep.

hildegarde of bingen – 12 century

This appeals to me because it seems basic, as in bringing me back to the base of things, which is God.

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by Lydia on June 8, 2008  •  Permalink
Posted in character defects, everything else, Step 11
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Posted by Lydia on June 8, 2008

http://lydiacharlotte.wordpress.com/2008/06/08/prayer-and-meditations/

Gratitude

Here’s a Mickey within a Mickey behind another Mickey. The whole thing is crawling with Mickeys. There’s something new at Disney since the last time I was there. The “hidden” Mickeys which, we are told, there are maybe several hundred of. These are images of Mickey Mouse which have been hidden within other things. They aren’t new, but the hype is new, at least to me.

An easy one to spot is on the banquet table in The Haunted Mansion. At the end of the table, three plates are placed so as to create a likeness of the mouse.

Sometimes, many times, I fail at fun. “Fun” is not something I often seek. Many things that others find to be fun, I do not. Part of it is that I can be stoic and unemotional. Part of it is that I really feel dumb doing things that get a laugh. I don’t like attention.

Sometimes I wonder how much of this I should accept about myself, and how much I should try to change. How much is just me, and how much is dysfunctional.

I only looked for one other hidden Mickey while I was at Disney. There’s supposedly another in The Haunted Mansion that is formed by some guy’s cloak. I read about it quickly on our way out the last morning. I looked for it, as did Carole, but we didn’t see it.

Does it take enjoyment and fun away from the experience to look for hidden Mickeys? To me it’s a bit like a puzzle I have only a few seconds to solve. The chances of me seeing a hidden Mickey in Disney World using no clues is just about non existent. I could look for years, I’m sure, without finding any. And even following clues, the time on a ride like The Haunted Mansion is so short. One could try and follow the clues to find a hidden Mickey that isn’t part of a ride, like one in a mural, but what would that time be spent doing otherwise? Does this add to the fun, or does it take some away?

We’re home, and I made to my meeting, where the topic was gratitude. Honestly I have too much to mention. There were people at the meeting who were, of course, struggling with trying to be grateful. Mostly AA meetings are full of very grateful people. Or at least they say they are grateful when asked. What happens to that gratitude when someone goes out and drinks? One of the synonyms for gratitude is appreciation. Is it that they fail to appreciate what they have? Or do they stop appreciating it for a time?

Today Hillary Clinton officially suspended her campaign and said that she supports Barack Obama as the next President of the United States. As much as I am heartbroken, disappointed, and even bitter (I understand she may have actually gotten more popular votes than he did), I can’t help but be amazed and grateful that I got to see this and participate. I actually can’t hold gratitude back at this time in my life.

I’ve had to practice through the years to get to this place. I didn’t enter AA feeling grateful. I understood the concept of gratitude pretty early on though. An oldtimer told me to “say thank God instead of God dammit.” I understood this when I got cut off in traffic. I was able to say “thank God I didn’t have an accident,” instead of God damming the other driver. That was the phrase that clicked for me, and the picture I’ve held on to. I had to be in that place at that time to receive those words. I had to be open and willing to try. It amazes me today that when something doesn’t go my way, I’m still able to thank God and to mean it. Often.

And oh my goodness, how could I forget? The lady herself said today that we should not waste time with if only. I know the time we spent on her campaign was not wasted, not a minute of it.

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by Lydia on June 8, 2008  •  Permalink
Posted in aa, alcoholics anonymous, everything else, gratitude
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Posted by Lydia on June 8, 2008

http://lydiacharlotte.wordpress.com/2008/06/08/gratitude/

I’m Melting, I’m Melting (down) ……..

It’s almost one in the morning, but I want to get a few notes about today down. Today was one of the worst days I’ve had in a long time during which no major catastrophes occurred. Meaning it was all small or temporary stuff, but there was so much of it, at one point I really couldn’t cope.

I’ll give my daughter a pseudonym for the blog and call her Erika. She’s 22, just graduated from college, and it is in honor of that event that we are at Disney for six days.

ARG! I had a long post written and the computer ate it and only saved the above. I’ll take it as a sign that I should be more concise.

Now it’s 9:30 in the morning after the aforementioned bad day. The main factor in the bad day was the heat. I think I got just about to where I couldn’t take it anymore. During the height of the heat, the main activity at Epcot was shopping. I really hate shopping. Much of this Disney vacation involves shopping after shopping after shopping after shopping. Also, Erika bought a beer. This after I asked her not to, and thought for a brief and happy moment that she wouldn’t, just because I asked her not to.  We’ve also been together 24/7 for six days now.  And our feet hurt.  And I don’t think I’ve eaten a vegetable since last Thursday.

My daughter\'s right foot after three days of Disney

But like I said, the main factor was the heat. Looking back, I probably should have parked it in a restaurant with a soda until the hottest part was over. It’s really difficult. I don’t want to ruin everyone’s time. I don’t want to pass out. Physically I feel I’m at the edge. I tried just moving along with everyone, but my wife was too solicitous in trying to help me and she asked too many questions, offered to do whatever I wanted to do, then when I stated what that was, she said she was going off on her own. So all in all, not a good few hours. I hate to admit it, but it’s true. I would have rather been almost anywhere at that time than on my Disney vacation. And oh yes, all this in the context of I really don’t even like vacation.

Also, all this was in the context of the day that Hillary Clinton was probably really done. It brings tears to my throat now, when I think about it, though it has been a long time in coming. My oldtimer skills and learning have told me from the start that she was a long shot. We (Democrats) have an awesome candidate who was unimaginable for me four years ago. We (my family, especially my wife) have been part of an amazing historical event. She (Hillary) did more than I thought possible by a female. We (Democrats and in my opinion Americans) have to get behind Obama and do everything we can to help him win.

I’m going to try and muster all my will power and strength – I was about to write I will muster them to have a good day. But just writing the words, will power and strength, I realized right away what my error is. My will power and strength have to be turned to the direction of letting go and letting God.

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by Lydia on June 4, 2008  •  Permalink
Posted in children, everything else
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Posted by Lydia on June 4, 2008

http://lydiacharlotte.wordpress.com/2008/06/04/im-melting-im-melting-down/

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