Anniversaries

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun’s birthday; this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings: and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any–lifted from the no
of all nothing–human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

~e. e. cummings

 

I love anniversaries.  Other places I’ve lived, they’ve celebrated anniversaries, sometimes called birthdays, in AA.  Not where I live now.  The group Carole and I started celebrates anniversaries and this Saturday we’ll have three, which is I think the most we’ve had in one month.  A great success for our group.

Anniversaries are about success.  I understand that the success is only for today, and that’s why we celebrate after the actual day has taken place.  And tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone but I doubt that someone who is solidly sober in AA is going to go out because of an anniversary.  When I lived in places where they celebrate, the last week of the month could be success story after success story.  A happy week.

I like the e. e. cummings because, although I hadn’t physically died, I believe I was almost there and still going in that direction when I drank.  Seeing my ex’s death confirms confirms confirms.  It is suicide and it is slow and it is pitiful.  While I didn’t die I put myself and untold strangers in jeopardy of death.  I drove drunk and I put myself in dangerous situations and I passed out in a snow storm.

It’s January and it’s COLD in my part of the world.  It’s not green and blue and gay, but these things are around the bend and I’ll count myself lucky to live to see them.  I know many people struggle with the cold and dark, though I prefer the dark and while I don’t like cold, I’ll take it over heat every every every day.

I was lifted from the no of all nothing.  My anniversaries marked another journey around the sun since that happy day, the day my life began.  Saved and reborn, recovered and alive.  Anniversaries are proof that it works.

 

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