Let’s dispose of what appears to be a hazardous open end we have left. It is suggested that we ought to become entirely willing to aim toward perfection. We note that some delay, however, might be pardoned. That word, in the mind of the rationalizing alcoholic, could certainly be given a long-term meaning. He could say, “How very easy! Sure, I’ll head toward perfection, but I’m certainly not going to hurry any. Maybe I can postpone dealing with some of my problems indefinitely.” Of course, this won’t do. Such a bluffing of oneself will have to go the way of many another pleasant rationalization.
I find it interesting that here, character defects are synonymous with problems. At any point in life, most of us could probably list our problems at any given moment. We have health problems and money problems and work problems and relationships problems, problems with our pets, our houses, our hobbies, our mind. I’m coming to understand more fully that the external details of my life, the good details and the bad details, are separate from the problems that lie within me, my character defects. Surely these act together to make me who I am at any given time. And I can change and effect some of my external details, things like where I work, where I live, and how I take care of my body. Other things are beyond my control and with these it is my attitude and outlook that I can work on changing.
I was looking back at what I had written so far this month, and I see that before I knew about my upcoming uterine biopsy I already reflected that maybe I won’t be at Disney ever again. I know it’s not important. If I go to Disney again, I’ll be different, the other people will be different, and Disney will be different. You can’t step in the same stream twice.
I’m not quite sure where I’m going with this. My immediate reaction to this section of the sixth step is twofold. One, I wonder how much it was watered down in order to become palatable to prospective AAs. I think that some of this was written with that in mind, not scaring people away. Again, it is interesting to conjecture but I will never be able to answer this question. The book says what it says. I’m not so far away from the time that it was written that I can’t easily understand the language.
Second, I wonder that I or anyone would want to indefinitely postpone dealing with character defects, or, if you rather, problems.
I remember my reaction at first when I saw this step and thought I could not, would not ever heal that relationship, so I couldn’t work the step. The next time I approached the step in a more formal way, and with more experience and humility, understood that the character defect that lead me to have a relationship I’m unwilling to heal is, to quote Dr. Seuss, “big and deep and tall.”
For me, the hazardous open end closed over time, really as a result of my better understanding. My opinion only, but I don’t think a person will make it over the long time wanting to postpone dealing with these indefinitely.
