I’ve commented before (OK, I’ve complained) that more and more often these days, I have the most time in the room when I’m at an AA meeting. This problem will only get worse. I’ve also been in a bit of an oldtimer funk, and that’s actually why I started this blog, among other reasons. I know that many of the people who got sober with me and before me have died, they’ve gotten drunk, they’ve stopped going to meetings. However, I also guess many of them are around, but they go to day time meetings. They are retired, and/or they may have issues with driving at night or being out at night. Maybe they congregate to be with more of their own kind.
If all goes according to plan, and if it’s God will (blah, blah), I’ve got about 20 working years ahead of me at least. And the work that I choose to do happens mostly in the day time.
I had a doctor’s appointment today, so I took the opportunity to work from home and go to a day meeting. Lots of what I do also takes place on the computer, and that part could theoretically be done anywhere at any time. First, at the doctor’s, the doctor told me that what I hope are mild signs of an approaching menopause could be cancer. She doesn’t think that it is cancer, but she sent me for three more tests to make sure. As I was telling Carole, tests to make sure things aren’t cancer will probably be more and more frequent as we get older, if we are lucky. I had a blood test today, to see if there are any menopausal hormones in my blood. I need to have a sonogram and a biopsy (OW) along with the usual mammogram (which probably won’t be such an ow after the biopsy). The doctor told me that for my age, the risk of uterine cancer is 5%. I don’t quite understand that, since does that mean that 5% of 46 year olds have uterine cancer? Doesn’t seem right. Regardless, I think she meant the risk is there, but it’s small. It doesn’t matter in the long run since I have it, or I don’t. No gray area here.
But, it’s frightening. Aside from all the regular reasons why this is frightening, Carole’s mother died from this, and it was awful. So, of course I resolve to eat better and exercise more and not ingest so much artificial sweetener. Really. Even if I’m fine. Because I really like being alive, and I want to continue as long as I can.
AND I resolve to enjoy life more and let little things pass and be grateful upon grateful for my buckets of blessings. No matter what the outcome of this is.
After the doctor and the blood test, I went to a meeting. Just as I expected, there were a few oldtimers there. Although this meeting is nearby, I didn’t know anyone there well, and I only knew a few people by sight. I think it really is true that lots of people go in the day, or at night, but not both. There was a woman there who has 34 years, 10 more than me. Others had more than 10, 15 or 20. There were also some newcomers.
The topic was taking other people’s inventories. In my opinion, the level of discourse was different. I truly think that the presence of the oldtimers raised the discussion, at times, to a higher level than the usual basic stuff we say about this topic. After everyone had had a chance to speak, there was still time, and some people spoke again. During the whole meeting I had thought on and off about speaking about my desire to start an oldtimer’s meeting, but I didn’t say anything. Then, with still some time left, the chair person asked if we would quickly comment on complacency. Finally, I said something about the problems of oldtimers and the idea of the meeting. One person took the CD I had brought, and another took my name and number and email. They both reacted very positively, and the more I share about it, the more I know there is a need for this thing.
Honestly, I wish someone else would start it. I’d like to just attend it. I cannot leave my home group, because we only have a very few members, and I don’t want to leave it. I wish someone with more time (retired, maybe?) would do it. And someone may. I think it will work best with an actual meeting. If that doesn’t work out, I’m personally more dedicated to interacting regularly with people who have more time than I have. It’s fairly easy for me to take a day off to attend a day time meeting.
I also wish those oldtimers would attend night meetings some times, if for no other reason than to show the people there that people can achieve 34 years and be happy about it.
It was interesting being at that meeting with my health scare on my mind. I was in the zone where I was loving life, loving AA, loving being there, and wanting to show up, retired one day, with 44 years of sobriety to share.
