Prayer and Meditations

After all these years, I admit I don’t meditate in a formal fashion. Prayer and meditation is something I am going to spend renewed effort on now. I’ve been doing the prayer thing at work, and that’s good. To summarize, I printed up a few “new” prayers from http://www.worldprayers.org/ and I try to read and write them in order to memorize them. I do this at lunch time (I really don’t have a lunch break) and sometimes during difficult meetings. I know I’m learning the prayers, but I’m not doing it well or quickly. I also read an AA meditation book first thing every morning at work. I keep it where I stow my cell phone, so it’s something I don’t forget to do ever. I also have longer meditations, poems and sayings I’ve collected, and I hang one over my desk each week and try to reread it, contemplate it and apply it to my week. The nature of these things is such that they all apply to so many situations. I try to concentrate on one at a time as it applies to my work week or my home week. In this way I learn it better and incorporate it more over time.

At home, I have a flipping photo thingy from when I was in junior high. Instead of photos, I inserted short sayings and poems that appeal to me. I flip it weekly, and try to contemplate the saying there through the week. I have a Christian meditation book I try to read each morning. I have other AA-inspired meditation books I’ve read at different times. Right now, As Bill Sees It is in the bathroom.

I want to start the prayer thing at home as well as at work, and I think I’d like to work on it and do it as part of this blog.

Before I start with the prayer today, though, I want to expand a bit on what Hillary said and why I like it and how I’ll use it. She said

When you hear people saying or think to yourself, If only, or, What if, I say, please, don’t go there. Every moment wasted looking back keeps us from moving forward.

Life is too short, time is too precious, and the stakes are too high to dwell on what might have been. We have to work together for what still can be.

This applies to all of my situations, of course, but it resonated most strongly for me with regard to my work situation. Briefly, I lost a boss who meant a great deal to me at work. Henceforth she will be known here as Edith. She tried hard to do good things for my workplace, but for various reasons (and I surely don’t know them all) she was not able to continue. I miss her there daily. Outside of work, she’s become a friend, so I lost her in the work capacity only. My work partner and friend, Irene, has come back to work with me after a time away. Irene often, probably several times a day, mentions one or another thing that is wrong with our program, and these are all things that Edith was taking care of. If only weighs on my mind often.

Of course I know the concept of not looking back, either to regret or to celebrate. All that takes time away from today. Hillary said it in a way I was able to heart right now (That is a Freudian typo that I’m going to leave.  Of course I meant HEAR). That’s added to by my highly emotional state over Hillary’s campaign. So I’ll write these words down for my rotating meditations, at home and at work, and try to learn them and live them.

As to prayer, I’ve chose a new one for home, and I’ll record it hear and try to learn it here.

Holy Spirit,
Giving life to all life,
Moving all creatures,
Root of all things,
Washing them clean,
Wiping out their mistakes,
Healing their wounds,
You are our true life,
Luminous, wonderful,
Awakening the heart from its ancient sleep.

hildegarde of bingen – 12 century

This appeals to me because it seems basic, as in bringing me back to the base of things, which is God.

Gratitude

Here’s a Mickey within a Mickey behind another Mickey. The whole thing is crawling with Mickeys. There’s something new at Disney since the last time I was there. The “hidden” Mickeys which, we are told, there are maybe several hundred of. These are images of Mickey Mouse which have been hidden within other things. They aren’t new, but the hype is new, at least to me.

An easy one to spot is on the banquet table in The Haunted Mansion. At the end of the table, three plates are placed so as to create a likeness of the mouse.

Sometimes, many times, I fail at fun. “Fun” is not something I often seek. Many things that others find to be fun, I do not. Part of it is that I can be stoic and unemotional. Part of it is that I really feel dumb doing things that get a laugh. I don’t like attention.

Sometimes I wonder how much of this I should accept about myself, and how much I should try to change. How much is just me, and how much is dysfunctional.

I only looked for one other hidden Mickey while I was at Disney. There’s supposedly another in The Haunted Mansion that is formed by some guy’s cloak. I read about it quickly on our way out the last morning. I looked for it, as did Carole, but we didn’t see it.

Does it take enjoyment and fun away from the experience to look for hidden Mickeys? To me it’s a bit like a puzzle I have only a few seconds to solve. The chances of me seeing a hidden Mickey in Disney World using no clues is just about non existent. I could look for years, I’m sure, without finding any. And even following clues, the time on a ride like The Haunted Mansion is so short. One could try and follow the clues to find a hidden Mickey that isn’t part of a ride, like one in a mural, but what would that time be spent doing otherwise? Does this add to the fun, or does it take some away?

We’re home, and I made to my meeting, where the topic was gratitude. Honestly I have too much to mention. There were people at the meeting who were, of course, struggling with trying to be grateful. Mostly AA meetings are full of very grateful people. Or at least they say they are grateful when asked. What happens to that gratitude when someone goes out and drinks? One of the synonyms for gratitude is appreciation. Is it that they fail to appreciate what they have? Or do they stop appreciating it for a time?

Today Hillary Clinton officially suspended her campaign and said that she supports Barack Obama as the next President of the United States. As much as I am heartbroken, disappointed, and even bitter (I understand she may have actually gotten more popular votes than he did), I can’t help but be amazed and grateful that I got to see this and participate. I actually can’t hold gratitude back at this time in my life.

I’ve had to practice through the years to get to this place. I didn’t enter AA feeling grateful. I understood the concept of gratitude pretty early on though. An oldtimer told me to “say thank God instead of God dammit.” I understood this when I got cut off in traffic. I was able to say “thank God I didn’t have an accident,” instead of God damming the other driver. That was the phrase that clicked for me, and the picture I’ve held on to. I had to be in that place at that time to receive those words. I had to be open and willing to try. It amazes me today that when something doesn’t go my way, I’m still able to thank God and to mean it. Often.

And oh my goodness, how could I forget? The lady herself said today that we should not waste time with if only. I know the time we spent on her campaign was not wasted, not a minute of it.