Don’t Drink and Don’t Die

I’m shocked to discover this. One of the first blessings of AA was the fact that I wasn’t alone or unique. At 16, believe me, I was different than most of the people in the rooms, but not unique. It is also a blessing and a key to my sobriety that at my very first meeting, when people told me, “I understand,” I believed them. Nothing that’s happened to me is something that hasn’t happened to many people before me. None of my thoughts or defects are mine alone. Alcoholics do understand me and I understand them. Whatever else may divide us (age, gender, economics, culture, language, and on and on) we have this one important thing in common. And usually lots more.

I started this blog because I felt a need to examine and share the longtimer experience. The bulk of AA is dedicated to the newcomer, and that is as it should be. I find being an oldtimer tricky in many ways. One of the most difficult aspects of it is that there just aren’t many people to share with who understand.

I got sober in 1984. So did many other people, and there were hundreds of thousands already sober. Then each year, some drank, some died, some stopped going to meetings, and each year there are less. I often have the most time in the room. If I don’t have the most, I’m second or third. Most days, at most meetings, this doesn’t matter a bit. But sometimes it crosses my mind, and it disturbs me in a way I have trouble sharing. Really, there’s no way to share it without sounding proud, unless I share it with someone in the same boat.

I started writing this blog for that reason, and I love doing it. I would write more if I had more time, and I’d write something for beginners also. This is a natural fit, and I wish I had started sooner.

For my anniversary, Carole gave me a CD from the AA Grapevine Online Catalog called A Lifetime of AA. I started listening to it on my way to work a few days ago, and I was stunned. I had the feeling I had when I first went to AA, of not being alone, of other people understanding, truly understanding. I had to keep stopping the CD because it sent my mind in a million directions, and I wasn’t listening anymore. I still haven’t listened to much of it, I was so taken aback by what I heard.

It is articles from ancient Grapevines written when oldtimers had five years. Five! Or six. Wow, how our perceptions have changed! The stories I’ve listened to name and address the problems of being an oldtimer, and they have different solutions. Most exiting to me is to begin an oldtimer meeting. This is something I’ve wanted to do for some time, but the CD has given me the push to try. I’m copying the CD, and when I get back from vacation I’m going to give it and a note to all the oldtimers I know and some I don’t, asking if they would be interested in such a meeting. At first, we’ll hold it while our other meeting is going on. But if there’s enough interest, who knows?

I’ll come back and enumerate my own perspective on the problems and joys of a lifetime of AA. It’s jazzed me up, but I’m also continuing the sixth step, continuing my story, and I need to get back to further thoughts on sober parenting.

If only my pesky job, kids, wife, house and pets did not demand so much time and attention. Benefits of sobriety.