Don’t Drink and Don’t Die

I’ve been keeping a bit of a rhythm here alternating Step Six with my story and other things that aren’t step six or my story.  It’s time for one of those “other things” posts.  I thought of expounding on one of the search terms that brought people here.  I went to a meeting last night, and I thought I would write on that topic, whatever it was that came up.

There were two, sort of.  There was “God doing for us what we could not do for ourselves,” and “anger.”

“We will see that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves,” is one of the Promises listed in the Big Book as following a painstaking effort on all the steps through nine, making amends.  PAINS TAKING is a word that deserves lots of consideration.  Taking pains.  At any rate I will resist the temptation to list all the promises, since I’m trying to write an oldtimer blog here.  If you’re new or unsure, check out the full list of promises and the entire Big Book.

“We will see that God is doing for us what we could do for ourselves” is one of the more ephemeral promises.  Some of the others are more concrete.   This is widely open to interpretation.  I have not looked at other  studies of these things, and I want to get my own thoughts out before I do investigate what others have thought.  I think it will be interesting to see what’s out there, though, once I’m done.  It’s my opinion that we who are successfully sober in AA have sobriety as a touchstone for all other miracles, promises, successes and generally good things.  It is a miracle.  It is a success.  I can’t disbelieve anything as widely accepted as a promise made by this program since I have seen THE overriding success and change.

Getting me sober was certainly something God did for me that I could not do for myself.  That had a domino effect in that it set in motion a chain of positive things that continues to this day.  Twenty four hours from now, I expect to be at the graduation ceremony of my daughter from college.  My wife and partner will be there, as will my son and my mother.  All these things stemmed from that first miracle of my sobriety.  I could not attain, care for and manage these things for myself.  God has done it.

My abstinence from alcohol has been complete and total for over 24 years now.  In that way I have done the first step perfectly, at least for this time.  The others, it tells us, are less clear and complete.  We can only have relative progress and success.  The other things that God has done for me that I couldn’t do for myself are less than perfect.  I haven’t been and can’t be the perfect mother, even though I am a sober one.

I like the saying from the bible that tells us God won’t test us beyond our ability to bear it.  First, I think that’s false.  Many people get tested every day and fail, or die.  But the verse goes on to say that with the testing, God will also provide the way out, so that we may endure it.  Sometimes it makes sense to me that people who fail to attain and maintain sobriety within AA are just not open enough to God’s help as that is expressed through the people and the books.  God has provided the way out, but some people won’t or can’t take it.

But sober people within the program who are trying to work and seeking out help through books, meetings and through other people, maybe they can continue to improve in their ability to allow God to do for them what they cannot do for themselves.

When I’m disturbed and uneasy, I think I look fairly quickly to the program to find the way out.  I’m wondering what the elements are of the situation that I miss, or don’t practice diligently enough, or just reject outright.  Those are the things that keep me sick.