Lying in Meetings
February 17, 2008
Last night we heard a lead that was the most fantastic lead I have ever heard. And I unfortunately don’t mean that it was great. I mean it had to have more to do with fantasy than any I have heard before. I can’t even begin to list the outrageous elements of fame, fortune and tragedy that were contained in this story.
The thing that worries me most about it is the effect it must have on the newcomers to hear such stuff. Here they have found a group of people who strive as much as possible to be honest, then they hear this stuff. It also bothers me that I feel I’ve been taken advantage of in a way, and that I don’t know which elements are fact and which are fiction. All in all, though, personally, I don’t think it’s a big deal. Most of the people I hear lead I also know personally. I like it that way, and I know that most of what they say is true. I find it hard to admit that stories like last night’s leave me feeling in a muddle. I don’t like it, and I feel somehow stupid about it also. I guess it’s possible that all of it is true, but I can’t wrap my mind around that.
The guy gave names and dates, and CM went off to Google to try and see if any of it was provable. From what I heard her say, she could veryify none of it. Again, checking it out is not something I would do. And I guess that in the days before Google, gossip would have to take the place of a search engine.
We had gone out with a group after the meeting to a dinerish kind of place, and I find it interesting that no one referenced the fantastic story we had just heard.
I haven’t personally, blatantly lied telling my story. Really. The honesty and not having to keep track of my lies was one of the very first benefits I enjoyed in sobriety, and I’ve hung on to it with both hands most of the time. Through the years I must have listened to many many lies, though. There are none I can bring to mind with the important exception of people who said they were not drinking or using when they were. I was guilty of that one all the time, but of course not since I actually stopped.
I don’t know what to say beyond that it is really a shame. I hope that guy gets it, if he lives long enough. Several fatal illnesses were part of his tale. As for how a person could or should tell their story if it truly contains numerous unbelievable elements, maybe they could leave lots of them out and stick to the drinking until people get to know them better and get to know the outrageous details are real. Most outrageous thing I did was open a bottle of beer with my teeth.
February 19, 2008 at 12:56 am
Yeah, so this situation has really bothered me since it happened. On the one hand I feel like, “how could he lie?” and on the other hand I wonder if I just have missed something in my google search. What if I got the dates wrong or something like that? And then I remember that he did actually name the names and provide the dates, and I remember that I made a mental note of it then; so I know I don’t have all the facts wrong. But still, what if he was telling the truth? I don’t see how it could all be true…
So this has bothered me and I almost brought it up at a meeting last night, but (surprise, surprise) I had the most time and wasn’t sure that anyone else would have any insight into the issue. I was also thinking that I would go to the meeting where the guy goes, where he says his sponsor goes, to try to get a better feel for him and his story.
Ok, but ALL of THIS makes me wonder why I am so bothered by it….. If he was lying, I feel sorry for him. When I listened to all that he said he had possessed and done, I thought to myself, “Wow! That’s beyond my wildest dreams.” And when it got to be my turn to share, I told him about how early in my sobriety I would hear people say that their lives today are “beyond their wildest dreams” of what would have been possible. I told him I didn’t get it then, but that I’m experiencing it now, and I told him that I hope he sticks around long enough to have it happen for him.
So, why am I so bothered by it?